Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize