I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize