you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
