I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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