I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
