Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
