Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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