from now on my penis is your penis
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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