Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We are all done wearing pants today
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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