im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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