just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize