This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
