I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
