so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
