Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
