I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
