I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
