I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
