LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
