hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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