Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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