i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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