I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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