how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
