Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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