even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
