You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
