Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
