then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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