in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
