in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
