Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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