I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
