How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize