"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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