Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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