So drunk its hurt
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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