i just wanna soil my oats bro
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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