I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
