I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
