lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
