A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
