do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
