FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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