There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
3pm strippers are depressing
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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