I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
