the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
