I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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