all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
