Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
