Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Randomize