What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
