In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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