i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
