Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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