pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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