He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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