So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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