We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
