Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Im part way to drunk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
