You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
