DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize