I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
