I am puke
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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