Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
