You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize