So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
