alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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