And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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