Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
