News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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