i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
