i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
