I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The adults are the big ones right?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize