If i come over, it means nothing
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
