dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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