i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
